One of the most difficult interactions I have had professionally was with an assistant principal of mine who was also a personal friend. I actually got the job based on her recommendation to our principal, and for several years we enjoyed partnership and a positive collegial partnership. However, when our personal friendship went through a rough patch, it made my work environment and any meeting I was in with her feel very difficult. As I began to take more leadership roles in our school, I sensed that she was jealous of the praise offered by our principal and collective boss. The hardest part of all of this was that she would approach me during the school day to discuss our personal relationship. I found this to be very unprofessional, and it left me in a personal funk in the middle of my professional work. This friend ended up leaving the school I was at for another job, and I was honestly relieved. We tried to keep in touch, but drifted apart, and I fear that while it was lovely for years to work together, I also sort of blame it for the ultimate loss of our friendship.
I have learned from this experience that being a colleague and a friend can be difficult. Personally I have thought about the school I currently work at, as my principal is near retirement, and I ponder whether I would ever want to become an administrator in our building. After this experience with my friend, I've decided that as administrator, it's very important to separate personal and professional worlds, and therefor I wouldn't want to become an administrator in a school I have worked in as a teacher. It just seems too close to too many people, and it can get messy if clear relationship boundaries aren't established. Administrators have a different role in a building than teachers, and without clearly defining the relationships and roles for each, feelings can get hurt inadvertently.
Liz,
ReplyDeleteThanks for you post. You make an important point when you say, "I've found that being an educator and working in a school is an emotional career path, and as such, sometimes things can get emotional with colleagues or an advisor.".
I would submit to you that your emotional relations with faculty, staff, and parents outweighs your "technical competence". This doesn't mean that you should not strive to be the "resident expert" on teaching, learning, curriculum, and instruction. But it does mean that most people will "forgive" you when you make mistakes, if they like you - if they have an emotional connection with you.
Thus, I endorse your comment on the emotions of the school.
Thanks for sharing!
Dr. Brown
Liz,
ReplyDeleteYes you make another important point that all should take into account. You remind us of the sometimes-challenge of moving into an administrative role at the same with where you've been a teacher. I've seen it both ways - at the site and moving to another site. It can work - but it comes with a different set of challenges when staying at the same site. On the one hand, you know that culture, the personalities, and the strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, it may prompt "jealousy" or conflicts with colleagues you've taught with for years.
Moving to a new site, with your promotion, creates other kinds of challenges, ie. learning the culture, the personalities, the strengths and weaknesses, etc. But also means you have an opportunity to form new relations.
Dr Brown
I have had and still do many close relationships at school with peers. We keep it professional at school. We are all very close and it is hard to do at times. However, we have a mutual respect for each other and the positions and roles we have.
ReplyDeleteThat is not an easy situation to navigate. I hate when my personal life and my work life collide. I also think it is hard to be promoted in the same building, as the dynamic between you and your coworkers has to shift, which can be hard. Open communication and honesty is a good start.
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